It won't be official until May 14th, but I finally pulled the trigger on deleting my Facebook account. FB gives people two weeks to come to their senses (because only a fool or a loser would deprive herself of its many pleasures). Until that time my account will only appear as deactivated, something I've already done three or four times. But at least FB didn't try to guilt me into staying by posting pictures and phrases like "Bob Smith will miss you!" and "You will no longer get updates from Jane Doe. Are you sure?"
This was supposed to be my "Facebook-friendly" blog, but it seems only one of my FB buddies ever made their way here. (It's not as if I went out of my way to advertise it, if I'm completely honest.)
So, I won't be doing my Happy Dance over this until mid-May, but I'm glad I finally got off that fence.
Will I miss Facebook? Yes, I probably will. But all things considered, I feel that this is the right move for me. One of the likely side effects might be putting more energy into other ways of exchanging info, including this and other blogs I've set up. And there is also the possibility of a fake ID FB account for any of the info channels that might be on Facebook without alternatives outside of it.
Hopefully I'll find something worthwhile to do with all the time I've freed up as a result of this move. Maybe I'll stumble upon some really cool Zero-point energy solution, or write the next great American novel. A world of possibilities awaits!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Why I'm a douche on Facebook
I keep thinking that I'm about to escape from Facebook, so whatever I do there won't matter, at least, not for long. But, this is little excuse for being petty and childish.
I just "unfriended" a guy I actually know in real life because I took umbrage at his not responding to messages, texts, and emails going back several months. He was someone I met at a cafe last summer, but had "seen around" for a few years prior. We even met up a couple times after discovering we had a few common interests. But then it seemed that he was good friends with someone who doesn't like me very much, and I suspect this may explain why he stopped communicating with me.
Then there is the matter of my Landmark Educated, Bikram yoga teacher of an ex-girlfriend. We were last a couple in 1997, and after losing track of each other for a few years, we reconnected in 2001 and we seemed to enjoy a really nice platonic friendship for a few years, until things went south for us when my father died in 2007. I made the mistake of looking to her for emotional support, and she was not comfortable with that. I might even say that she resented it. She wasn't well-equipped for that when we were together, so I made a egregious error expecting emotional support from her years later.My error, I should say.
Then around 2009 I thought "What the heck? Why not see if she was on Facebook?" I found her and was delighted that she accepted my friendship request. We never discussed what happened in 2007, or 1997 for that matter. It was all really superficial, and that felt really weird to me. Still, I didn't make a fuss about it, and we occasionally "Liked" each others posts. At some point I thought it would be nice to have a real conversation with her. We used to chat on the phone regularly; I would help keep her awake during long drives she had to make returning home from work late at night. It was fun!
But things had changed since 2007 and I learned that she preferred keeping her distance this time around when she declined to share her phone number with me. I tried to accept the new status quo with her, and rolled with that for two years. However, last week I got fed up with the situation--so I unfriended her, convinced that she won't even notice.
While I know it's my prerogative whom I choose to have as a "Facebook Friend," I believe my unfriendly unfriending of people who disappoint me, who don't fulfill my lofty expectations, is a little on the sad, pathetic, petty side. I'm not proud of this, but it does seem to be my M.O.
These two are but the most recent examples. There have been 15 to 20 other former "friends" that I've similarly dropped since joining FB in 2006. I don't know if any of them noticed--but a few of them may have, and if they did, they may have even been hurt by my actions. I didn't even consider that possibility; I was so selfish concerned with my own pain, which, if I'm honest, was born out of my own loneliness and poor self-esteem issues. Eeek!!!
And now I'm sharing this pathos with the entire planet.
HUZZAH!!!
I just "unfriended" a guy I actually know in real life because I took umbrage at his not responding to messages, texts, and emails going back several months. He was someone I met at a cafe last summer, but had "seen around" for a few years prior. We even met up a couple times after discovering we had a few common interests. But then it seemed that he was good friends with someone who doesn't like me very much, and I suspect this may explain why he stopped communicating with me.
Then there is the matter of my Landmark Educated, Bikram yoga teacher of an ex-girlfriend. We were last a couple in 1997, and after losing track of each other for a few years, we reconnected in 2001 and we seemed to enjoy a really nice platonic friendship for a few years, until things went south for us when my father died in 2007. I made the mistake of looking to her for emotional support, and she was not comfortable with that. I might even say that she resented it. She wasn't well-equipped for that when we were together, so I made a egregious error expecting emotional support from her years later.My error, I should say.
Then around 2009 I thought "What the heck? Why not see if she was on Facebook?" I found her and was delighted that she accepted my friendship request. We never discussed what happened in 2007, or 1997 for that matter. It was all really superficial, and that felt really weird to me. Still, I didn't make a fuss about it, and we occasionally "Liked" each others posts. At some point I thought it would be nice to have a real conversation with her. We used to chat on the phone regularly; I would help keep her awake during long drives she had to make returning home from work late at night. It was fun!
But things had changed since 2007 and I learned that she preferred keeping her distance this time around when she declined to share her phone number with me. I tried to accept the new status quo with her, and rolled with that for two years. However, last week I got fed up with the situation--so I unfriended her, convinced that she won't even notice.
While I know it's my prerogative whom I choose to have as a "Facebook Friend," I believe my unfriendly unfriending of people who disappoint me, who don't fulfill my lofty expectations, is a little on the sad, pathetic, petty side. I'm not proud of this, but it does seem to be my M.O.
These two are but the most recent examples. There have been 15 to 20 other former "friends" that I've similarly dropped since joining FB in 2006. I don't know if any of them noticed--but a few of them may have, and if they did, they may have even been hurt by my actions. I didn't even consider that possibility; I was so selfish concerned with my own pain, which, if I'm honest, was born out of my own loneliness and poor self-esteem issues. Eeek!!!
And now I'm sharing this pathos with the entire planet.
HUZZAH!!!
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