My original title for this post was going to be something like My impatience and shaky self-esteem get the better of me. I can get a bit annoyed with people when they do not respond to email, texts, or phone messages. A few months ago I shared the links to all my blogs with an old friend from my high school days, thinking she might enjoy reading my thoughts, as we've enjoyed reconnecting over the past few months. I've even posted things that were inspired by conversations we had, thinking she might be inspired to weigh in, or at least inspire an interesting discussion online or over the phone. But, there is no evidence of that.
So, I'm playing cat and mouse now, seeing if she really means the things she says.
I kind of poured out my heart to her a couple weeks back--I was feeling close to her and sort of "reached out" via email with a voice attachment. Not a word back from her. A week later I wrote her again, wondering what she thought of the voice message. I didn't hear anything from her for almost a week after that, and when I did, it was obvious that she hadn't read either email. Later that same day, I finally got some acknowledgement of the email in question. I guess she's been busy.
I know it's kind of juvenile, but I don't feel like replying to the emails I just got from her right away. Call it "passive-aggression" if you like, but it might also be a case of someone trying to dial back some feelings in order to enjoy a more grounded experience of deepening friendship. I can also take responsibility for the things I am feeling, as well as release any shame over being rejected by someone I've been attracted to.
At the end of the day, it's all groovy. Because I am doing just fine where I am, and have had more than enough long-distance romance at this point in my life.
Squeak!
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