Recognizing, and accepting, the HypoCritic Within

During the 90s I was blessed with a large community of Osho friends living in the Seattle area, along with the Suravi Osho Meditation Center. During that time I became friends with a Russian/Danish swami (male sannyasins were called "swami", females "ma") who was quite enthusiastic about Dynamic meditation, possibly the most rigorous of Osho's "active" meditation techniques. Outside of festivals, living in an ashram, or visiting "the Ranch", Dynamic was always a challenge for me; I had a hard time getting motivated. But my friend, "BB"*, had a knack for getting people to join him--his enthusiasm was infectious.

After an hour of morning meditation, we would visit for coffee and chat. I knew from our conversations that BB was ethnically Jewish, but non-practicing. In fact, even today I believe he identifies as an atheist. He seemed, like many sannyasins of the time, to view ethnic conflicts as the result of ignorance--the identification of the mind with a particularly story, each side with its own villains and victims. He didn't seem political at all at the time, but I just didn't know him as well as I assumed, seeing only what I wanted to see.

I admired him, actually. He was very intelligent, had a great sense of humor, was compassionate and loving, kind of stubborn in certain areas--witnessed an ongoing dispute he had with a mutual friend over a business deal gone wrong. He was very committed to working on himself, and inspired then, as I continue to be, by the teachings of the controversial Indian mystic previously known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

After Osho died, the Seattle sannyasin community slowly evaporated until few of the "internationals" remained--many returning to their countries of origin, with others just moving on to something new. Suravi closed, and I lost touch with many of my old friends. But I managed to keep in touch with BB for a brief period when the internet was gearing up in the latter 90s. BB was one of my first friends on ICQ and he was possibly the only person I personally knew who was interested in using Phil Zimmerman's public key encryption software, PGP, when writing email. He had moved to the Hawaiian island paradise of Molokaʻi with his Thai girlfriend, who was also a sannyasin (to the best of my recollection). But eventually we lost touch, for more than a decade.

A couple years ago I tracked him down--he was still living in Hawaii and by his account, had settled into a really beautiful life there. Even more impressive for me was the fact that he was with the same woman all those years later. (This is more a reflection on my own track history with relationships than any judgment around BB.) We started Skyping--but that was tough because of latency issues with our connection that BB seemed intent on placing at my doorstep, and so much of the conversations were side-tracked by him complaining about the connection quality, and disparaging my unwillingness to devote more time to improving it. (I never received the same complaints Skyping with friends in the UK, Mexico, or Australia....) Anyhow, our conversations didn't go smoothly, and the subject matter only made things worse.

Two years ago when I searched for BB's whereabouts online, I came across someone with the same name, but dramatically different political views from the guy I remembered. It took some time before I conceded that it was, in fact, my former friend. BB had become a rather militant Zionist, reflexively paranoid of any criticism of the government of Israel--with the "if you're not with me, you're against me" mentality that is quick to pull out the "anti-semitism" card.

[This is the point in a post like this where I am expected to explain how and why I am NOT an anti-Semite. I won't do this, beyond the words I am typing right now. I will go on record and say that just as I believe there are honorable people serving in the US military, who sincerely believe they are contributing to something noble and "good", that I respect and love them as fellow human beings, brothers and sisters on planet earth, I do not support the enterprise they are a party to as I believe it to be immoral and based on deception. By the same token, I do not support the actions of the militants on any side of the "middle east conflict". I believe the Israelis are just as guilty as their opponents--despite the fact that as an American, I would probably be more "at home" in the midst of Israeli culture as it is comparatively "Western" and nominally "democratic". I think rocket attacks, gun attacks, bus bombings, etc. are all fucked up. I also disagree with high tech military responses that seem to deliberately disregard the lives of non-combatants. For me, none of the parties has the moral high ground, despite the previously mentioned fact that the Israelis are probably less "other" for me than their Arab neighbors.]

I am blessed with some very thoughtful, wise, and compassionate Jewish friends. Most of them are "liberal" politically, but despite their misgivings about settlement building, or some of the methods used by the IDF to protect Israel, at the end of the day, they will support Israel. Given the history of the Jewish people, particularly at the hands of so-called "Christians" (at least until very recently), I sympathize with and respect their right to their position. It is a very sensitive subject, and as carefully as I try to parse my words here, trying to temper my criticism of Israel with similar misgivings about my own country's use of force around the world, most recently in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and perhaps soon, Iran (a subject for a separate article), what I have written in the last two paragraphs will likely offend a lot of people. Good thing no one reads this blog, eh?

So, back to BB. Once we started corresponding and then Skyping, I was surprised to discover how strong, even militant, his views had become. Gone was the sense that all humanity is, at its deepest core, one family. Newly minted was the idea that Tribal Groups are IMPORTANT, and their identity and prosperity must be protected and preserved, at any cost--even if it demanded the total annihilation of its "enemies".

I was shocked by this, because Jews, Palestinians, Kurds, Armenians, Native Americans, enslaved-Africans-and-their-descendants, Tutsis, Hutus, Roma, Hmong, (where do I stop??) are not the only peoples to have suffered tragic treatment throughout human history. And I will dignify no argument that tries to hold up one group's suffering as more significant or egregious than that of another. The simple truth is that those of us here, today, right now--have to get along with each other as best we can, without constantly referring to the past as some justification for trying to gain some advantage, as a pale excuse for not dealing with descendants of former "enemies" equitably. I don't argue that we ignore the past either--events of the past can have strong ripple effects into the future, and it can be useful to recognize this. But we can choose a better way, one that mitigates the tendency to perpetuate past bullshit.

BB echoed all the conservative Zionist talking points: that the Arabs started it, they didn't improve the land as the settlers from Europe did (a familiar argument here in North America), there is no such thing as a "Palestinian", Muslims don't respect life the way non-Muslims do (so it's easy for them to become suicide bombers), and so on.... It had become all so black and white to him. The Israelis were innocent victims, full stop. The Arabs (Palestinians) were something less-than-human, savage, uncivilized. I did say I was shocked.

Suffice to say, our conversations didn't continue for very long, and though it matters little, I was not the one who suspended it. I really wanted to understand what happened, how he could (seemingly) change so radically. But what I am finally recognizing is that the stark contrast between the person I used to know, and the person I see today--is a product of my own reality tunnel. I saw in BB what I wanted to see, both then and now. I never "got" who he was--furthermore, I probably will never completely "get" who ANYONE is. Because, like something Alan Watts used to say---we are more like verbs than nouns. We are doings...  We are "peopling" rather than "people". This fits better with the non-Aristotelian approach offered by Korzybski's General Semantics. So I may be reacting to my own neuro-semantic process more than anything else. My "shock" has its roots in my own ignorance, my own inability to see "what is...." clearly.

What prompted all this? Why today, of all days? Well, it may be due to the confluence of some recent events--I have been actively building my Twitter networks, and I discovered BB's feed, which contains even more strident language ("all Muslims are liars", gays are referred to as "fags", you get the picture) than I recall him using on Skype. The heating up of events in Gaza and Israel are probably also in my thoughts.

I find myself wanting to judge BB, to find him "in error" somehow. Yet I know this would be falling into the very kind of ego-based mind-identification that I feel taunted by as I think of my former friend who I once admired for being so spiritual, disciplined, compassionate, and loving. My desire to make him "wrong" is no different from his declarations that "all Muslims" are somehow the same, and less worthy of life and happiness, just because "some" Muslims behave badly.

(*Note that I have changed some of the real life details to protect BB's privacy.)