I don't quite know why I feel like things are "going well" at OK Cupid. Actually, I have no way of knowing. But it's been a pleasant enough experience checking out profiles, comparing answers to the match questions, and wondering whether I am going to take this story any further.
Somehow, I was feeling so pumped by my OKC experience that I got the (ill-conceived) idea to check out TransGenderDate.com. Things moved along smoothly enough at first--I built out my profile, using the same photos I used on OKC, got my ID verified, and made my first blog post, an introduction of sorts.
Within an hour of doing that, I was descended upon by a pack of rabid dogs. Nine really harsh comments appeared, making fun of my writing, pointing out a typo I made and suggesting I had cognitive issues as a result. One dissected my article paragraph by paragraph, and attempted to cut me to the quick, psychologically-speaking, with a very practiced hand (at this particular kind of cruelty). One of the "nicer" ones simply had the title "Yawn..." and an embedded YouTube video of crickets chirping. Cute.
Oh, there was this one guy who might have been making fun of me too, but could have been giving me some "friendly" advice. He suggested that I was being given the standard "warm welcome" for newbies who hadn't lurked long enough to grok the culture there. I probably should have thanked him for that.
The comments were mostly from women, and the one giving me the free paragraph-by-paragraph personality analysis took the additional step of blocking me before I even knew who she was, or could read her comments. It was like she had no other use for me except to dump some shit on me and disappear. What sort of person does that? Opportunity missed (for a "teaching moment.")
I've been in similar situations before, where you're expected to keep your mouth shut until you know whose asses need to be caressed in order to be welcomed into the fold. But those were discussion groups--not a little blog connected to a profile on some dating site. Imagine some guy after his first day ever on Facebook being savaged from a dozen, angry FB regulars because his first comment about Farmville was "meh?"
Fucking harsh.
I took it rather personally too, I'm afraid. I was embarrassed by the typo (numerous jokes about me being too "literate" to know what spellcheck was), my face got hot while I read the comments, which seemed to build on each other with a sort of resonant nastiness.
So did I take it all in stride, shrug it off with a laugh, my pried intact--"like a man?" Nope. I deleted my account right then and there. What a ninny, right? I didn't even screen-cap it for future reference. I was so taken aback by what happened that I didn't want to be there any more. I didn't want anything more to do with such a place, so full vile and mean-spirited people.
I feel like a fucking idiot for even letting it get to me. Who the fuck were these people to me, anyway? Random strangers that I would probably never be friends with under any circumstances anyway. Why would a give a flying fuck about what ANY of them thought about me?
I definitely have some soul-searching to do. Even though nothing like this has happened with OK Cupid, it has shaken my confidence a little. How presumptuous am I being with my activities there thus far? Example: For shits and giggles I re-did my profile questions with a bunch of pseudo-haiku poems. A couple of them are OK, but they're kind of "slap dash" and I'm sure I'm not "impressing" anyone.
Well, I guess I need to lick my wounds and "man up" if I intend to put myself out in the world again.
In the meantime, I'll just write a stupid Blogger post for my OKC friends to wince at.
What can I say? I've got it goin' on, I really do!
Siwwy Wabbit!
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So a little follow-up. Since writing this post I learned that my article remains up, although my account is deactivated. I also noticed a couple people came into the discussion with a more charitable take on what I wrote. That was heartening. As the discussion continued it drifted from what a pretentious jerk I was, and more about whether the attacks were over-the-top or not. The main instigators have dug into their original positions, refusing to give an inch. This argues in favor of my staying out of it--because there seems to be no reasoning with these people, at least not about this particular drama.
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